We Survived Yet Another Season of Christmas Irrelevance

Addressing irrelevance with reality and ridicule

We know nothing—absolutely nothing—about how and when Jesus was born. The birth narratives in Mathew and Luke have been studied and analyzed ad nauseum by scholars, and there is not a single scrap of history in either of them. With just a little bit of careful study, churchgoers could discover this truth—but they would have to ignore the pleading of clergy and apologists to take the stories at face value. Yet thousands of churches still put on Christmas pageants featuring Mary and Joseph arriving in Bethlehem, the baby Jesus dozing in a manger, surrounded by adoring shepherds and Wise Men. The Wise Men are a most unwelcome addition to the Jesus tradition. It is really not smart to add astrology to the mix of Christian theology, already spoiled by ancient superstitions and magical thinking. We read that astrologers from the East had seen Jesus’ star in the sky—and set off to worship him. This is a boast of the Jesus cult! It was a common belief in the ancient world that the births or accomplishments of important people were accompanied by special signs in the heavens.
 
 
The earliest anonymous gospel author—who became known later as Mark—didn’t report anything about Jesus’ birth because Matthew and Luke hadn’t invented their birth narratives yet. The gospel of John didn’t think they were worthy of mention. Since he depicted Jesus as present at creation, the birth narratives were unnecessary, superfluous.  
 
These narratives, by the way, don’t mention the date when Jesus was born. Hence it was easy for the church, a long time later, to adopt the widespread celebration of the Winter Solstice as the time Jesus was born. In other words, it stole, commandeered, this popular holiday. 
 
So by Christmas irrelevance I mean the imposition of the fictional birth narratives on this holiday. But there’s another major factor in the irrelevance. Jesus-script includes the admonition to “sell what you have and give to the poor” —yet Christmas has become an extravagant orgy of consumerism. Buy as much as you can, surround the Christmas tree with piles and piles of gifts. Material acquisitions are the reason for the season. It would be much more appropriate to subtract the Jesus-factor, and honestly celebrate December 25^th as the welcome occurrence of the winter solstice. Humans in the northern hemisphere have enjoyed this holiday for thousands of years. We can quit fooling ourselves that it has anything to do with Jesus! 
 
But that would require honesty. I recently finished reading Bill Burkland’s new book, The Misconceived Conception of a Baby Named Jesus (Kindle, 283 pages). This clever, funny satire pushes the reader to embrace honesty, because it depicts the characters mentioned in the gospel birth narratives as genuine, flawed human beings. It helps put the brakes on the Catholic exaggerated adoration of Mary—whom it insists was forever a virgin, bodily ascended to heaven (thanks to Pope Pious XII’s 1950 dogma), where she reigns as queen and makes multiple personal appearances worldwide. 
 
In Burkland’s version of the birth story, Mary and Joseph come off as the best of characters—and the most humble players in the story are portrayed sympathetically. But Burkland advocates for the honesty factor. Those who would have the world believe they are supremely holy, most closely tuned into god, are all-too-often just the opposite. Televangelist examples come to mind especially, e.g., Joel Osteen and Kenneth Copeland. It baffles me that membership in the Catholic Church isn’t down to zero by now: How do its followers still show up when the child-rape scandals just keep on coming—and the church has paid out billions of dollars in legal settlements? The Mormons and Southern Baptists have had their share of sex scandals as well. The Vatican fails the honesty test especially. Frédéric Martel, in his 2019 book, In the Closet of the Vatican: Power, Homosexuality, Hypocrisy, reveals the rivalries and politics that infest the College of Cardinals. 
 
Hence we’re not surprised that Burkland shatters the stereotypes that devout folks cling to when they adore people mentioned in Bible stories. Here is Mary’s protest to a friend about her parents:
 
“My mother worships God, and my father worships gold. If believing in God helps in accumulating gold, then yes, he is an enthusiastic believer. But if it doesn’t serve that end, he couldn’t care less about God. His religion is wealth, and his god is power. Neither my mother nor father let truth, reason, love, or compassion stand in the way of their pursuits.” (Burkland, p. 50, Kindle)
 
And Mary has reason to complain to one of her friends:
 
“My mother and father have turned the birth of our beautiful child into a sideshow.” 
 
“I’ve heard as much. My mother explained bits and pieces. None of it makes sense. People are saying Jesus is the Son of God. That it was a virgin birth. That you’ve fulfilled a six-hundred-year-old prophecy. I heard this from my mother, and it’s what I heard on the streets this morning.” 
 
“Exactly why we need to leave. They have twisted and turned our child’s birth to suit their desires and in ways that won’t be good for Jesus.” 
 
“Is any of it true?” 
 
“Of course not. This is my mother and father spinning a tale to gain glory and fortune for themselves. Before these stories grow any further, we’re leaving for Nazareth.” (Burkland, p. 245, Kindle)
 
And in an exchange between Mary and her mother, we find this:
 
“Oh, Mary,” Elisheba said. “That is the very essence of faith. Isn’t it? It is the willingness to suspend reason and put critical thinking aside. This allows one to fully put their head and their heart and their soul in God’s gentle hands. To fully submit to his wisdom, and to fulfill, without question, God’s commands, including those spoken through the prophets. I think, my child, you understand.” 
 
“No, I do not. I don’t understand. It’s absurd to refer to these prophecies as truth. It’s nonsense.” (Burkland, p. 83, Kindle)
 
When the Wise Men arrive at the stable where Jesus was born, they are appalled by the filth and the stench. These scholars who study the heavens for signs are so full of themselves, and have no desire to mingle with the riff-raff shepherds also present. 
 
Devout Christians, please note this, by the way. There is no mention in either the Luke or Matthew birth narratives that the Wise Men showed up at a stable. They are mentioned only in Matthew, and they arrive at the house where Mary and Joseph lived in Bethlehem, probably weeks or even months after the birth of Jesus. Putting the Wise Men in the stable is a bit of dishonesty that can be blamed on zealous piety.
 
In the final chapter of his book, Burkland does a fast-forward to Christmas Eve Mass at the Vatican in 2021. He describes Pope Francis’ quotes from the birth narrative in Luke, and his reference to the supposed prophesy of Isaiah about Jesus. These texts were, “after all, the foundation that proved the divine birth of Jesus, just as they had for thousands of years.” (Burkland, p. 272, Kindle). But what a flimsy foundation, since the Luke birth story is fantasy, and Isaiah had no idea that his saying would one day, many centuries later, be applied to a Galilean peasant preacher. Surely the pope and his colleagues know this, but they’re in the business of fooling as many people as possible most of the time.
 
Burkland’s comedic touch in this chapter is that the ceremonies in the Vatican basilica are witnessed by a cat who had wandered unseen into the vast church. “After the homily, the cat watched as the Pope and his cadre of well-manicured deacons prepared the Eucharist, the meal in which the blood and body of Jesus is served in snackable tidbits so as not to raise any hints or allegations of cannibalism from ignorant and misguided atheists. It was the cat’s favorite part of the Mass.” (Burkland, p. 279, Kindle)
 
So it is too with the devout who eagerly eat and drink Jesus—as assurance guaranteeing eternal life. And there it is: the reason that membership in the Catholic Church is not down to zero by now. 
 
 
 
 
David Madison was a pastor in the Methodist Church for nine years, and has a PhD in Biblical Studies from Boston University. He is the author of two books, Ten Tough Problems in Christian Thought and Belief: a Minister-Turned-Atheist Shows Why You Should Ditch the Faith, now being reissued in several volumes, the first of which is Guessing About God (2023) and Ten Things Christians Wish Jesus Hadn’t Taught: And Other Reasons to Question His Words (2021). The Spanish translation of this book is also now available. 
 
His YouTube channel is here. At the invitation of John Loftus, he has written for the Debunking Christianity Blog since 2016.
 
The Cure-for-Christianity Library©, now with more than 500 titles, is here. A brief video explanation of the Library is here.