The Desperate Embrace of Abusive Religion by the Devout

Clint Heacock’s new book shines a bright light on this reality

The Preface to this book is a grabber. Twelve-year old Clint had arrived home from soccer practice, looking forward to the family dinner. But there was no one home; instead of the usual buzz of activity, nothing. Clint went into a panic: had the Rapture happened, and he was left behind? He wouldn’t get to meet Jesus and go to heaven? I won’t offer a plot spoiler here—where the family actually was—but this incident is a stunning example of abusive religion. Here was a kid who had been told by people he trusted, from his days as a toddler, that Jesus would one day return to collect a select group of true believers for their trip to heaven. And woe to those who weren’t among those selected.
 
 
The irony, of course, is that the many varieties of Christians—there are now thousands of quarrelling brands of the faith—teach their children much different “truths” about Jesus. In my article here last week I mentioned the Catholic practice of First Communion, when children are led to believe that they’re getting to eat Jesus for the first time. This is an aspect of ancient superstition, and qualifies as abuse. It is delusion, and does not help people function in the modern world.  
 
Links to Not So Shiny, Not So Happy People:                            Paperback             Kindle            Audible 
 

Mr. Heacock’s book is highly readable, and is a fascinating look at abusive religion that can do so much damage. His was a religion that embraces totalitarian monotheism: its god watches, monitors everything humans do, and its rules are provided in the Bible. But the ironies piled on. He concludes the Preface with this confession: 
 
“All the pieces were in place. All the elements of the formula for successful Christian living were lined up and in practice…our family should have been a rousing success—the epitome of blessings, love, and joy, all flowing from the hand of God. But it wasn’t that way at all. My sisters and I endured countless spankings, making our home life abusive and full of fear. The corporal punishments were part of my parents’ obedience to ‘setting the wayward child straight’ according to biblical teachings. The atmosphere around our house was far from loving and nurturing. There were positive moments, but the environment was largely dysfunctional and toxic.” (page 11)
 
The spankings, by the way, were brutal.  “My folks had a piece of kindling wood about eighteen inches long with masking tape wrapped around one end to create a handle. After about four or five solid whacks on the buttocks with this stick, the pain truly became unbearable. I’d always cry, despite resolving beforehand not to give in and shed a single tear. This eighteen-inch pain tool was excellent for producing real tears.” (p. 121)
 
I was pastor of two Methodist churches for about nine years, and never came across families who embraced this level of cruelty disguised as devout Christianity. 
 
It took years for Heacock to dislodge the ideas about god that had been installed in his brain at an early age. In fact, that’s what makes his adventure so interesting. He went through so much that should have provoked skepticism and doubt. But intense indoctrination prevents that. 
 
In a fundamentalist environment, when teenagers discover sexuality, realizing that their bodies are designed for sex, the results can be disastrous—because sex outside of marriage is a grave sin. Heacock describes the family crisis that resulted from the discovery that his 17-year-old sister Valerie had become pregnant. She was spanked, and ostracized. It was a source of profound shame to have her living with the family. Abortion was out of the question, but she was forced to put the baby up for adoption. 
 
“For years following the birth of her daughter, my sister Valerie battled depression, guilt, and anxiety. She shared with me that when she moved in with her best friend’s parents, not long after she gave up her baby for adoption, she would crawl under a bush in their backyard and sob inconsolably for hours until the tears no longer flowed. She would cry out over and over, ‘I want my baby back!’”  (p. 266)
 
In the very funny Broadway musical, The Book of Mormon, there is a lyric about denying sexual arousal: “Turn it off, like a light switch.” But, of course, it doesn’t work that way, and Heacock describes his own ordeal with arousal:
 
“…I was a thirteen-year-old increasingly tormented with feelings of unworthiness, guilt, and shame. As a means of coping with the trauma and anxiety, I had become addicted to pornography, which only added to my struggles in life. What had begun as a few Playboy magazine swaps between my church buddies and me had grown into something more pervasive. I couldn’t quit the habit, no matter what I tried. Like a drug addict craving a more effective high, I progressed to looking at more hardcore magazines like Penthouse and Hustler. Thanks to my church upbringing and Bible memorization, I knew that God knew and saw everything.” (p. 109)
 
Heacock is very candid in describing his mother’s unhappiness in her marriage, his brutal falling out with his authoritarian father—at age 12 (see Chapter 10, I Admired My Dad Until I Didn’t). The dysfunctional and toxic state of the family is distressing indeed.
 
Heacock describes his enlisting in the navy, his venture into Christian rock, and—of all things—his three baptisms! He didn’t view his baptisms as magical ceremonies, but regarded them as steps in the right direction, renewing his path to life as an authentic Christian. But he was disappointed each time. And he is candid about feeling the emptiness of heaven:
 
“It wasn’t just God the Father who had switched off. Both Jesus and the Holy Spirit seemed to be out of touch as well. It seemed to me that the whole Trinity had bugged out and left me in the lurch. Despite the silence from heaven, I prayed a lot, hoping that due to the sheer amount of my prayers, perhaps one might reach his ear…if he would come through for me, then perhaps our broken relationship could be restored. Despite all my prayer requests for help, there was never any miracle, no supernatural assistance of any kind that I could see.”   (p. 177)
 
Yet, he eventually studied for the ministry—all the way to the PhD level. I was puzzled by the name Bill Gothard in the book’s subtitle. I was raised in a conservative Methodist environment, but not fundamentalist, so I was unaware of fundamentalist icons—except for Billy Graham, whom my devout mother couldn’t stand. I found out all I needed to know about Gothard through Wikipedia—and his eager exploitation of religion.
 
Heacock observes:  
 
“I was ‘safe’ in my Christian bubble. I had neither the intellectual capacity nor the necessary theological, historical, or biblical information to question any aspect of what I was being taught. Living in this Christian ‘parallel universe,’ I was vaguely aware that there were other believers who held differing views. Years later in Bible college, I was shocked to learn that there were credible arguments, based on Scripture, for views radically different from what I had been taught. I felt angry that so much information had been withheld from me by people I trusted.”
(page 60)
 
Why isn’t this the reaction of far more devout churchgoers? Why aren’t they distressed that there are so many conflicting brands of the faith? They can’t all be right! 
 
I highly recommend this compelling account of Heacock’s escape from the grip of indoctrination. There’s never a dull moment! He is especially revolted by fundamentalist certainty about eternal punishment in hell. 
 
“None of this seems loving and certainly not fair by any standard, but especially for such an allegedly wise, merciful, and benevolent deity as the Christian God. The final escape hatch can be found in liberal or progressive Christianity, where the belief is that no hell exists, and everyone will go to heaven. But I chose to go one step further. The God of Christianity is invisible and silent because he isn’t there.” (pp. 303-304) 
 
 

David Madison was a pastor in the Methodist Church for nine years, and has a PhD in Biblical Studies from Boston University. He is the author of two books, Ten Tough Problems in Christian Thought and Belief: a Minister-Turned-Atheist Shows Why You Should Ditch the Faith, now being reissued in several volumes, the first of which is Guessing About God (2023) and Ten Things Christians Wish Jesus Hadn’t Taught: And Other Reasons to Question His Words (2021). The Spanish translation of this book is also now available. 
 
His YouTube channel is here. At the invitation of John Loftus, he has written for the Debunking Christianity Blog since 2016.
 
The Cure-for-Christianity Library©, now with more than 500 titles, is here. A brief video explanation of the Library is here.